


Five times.

by underworldqueen13



Series: Five times side stories [1]
Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Fat Shaming, Gen, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Mental Health Issues, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Precious Peter Parker, Suicide Attempt, Weight Gain, Weight Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 13:46:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14812500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/underworldqueen13/pseuds/underworldqueen13
Summary: After losing his magic, Loki has to adjust to living without. In that time, he puts on weight. Basically my version of the five times prompt. In this case it's five times Loki feels bad about himself and one time he doesn't.Warning for mentions of suicide attempts





	Five times.

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this because I had an idea and was started off as a quick story became 4000 words, angst, and ideas for more things I wasn't planning on writing.
> 
> I apologize the end gets really heavy again trigger warning for talk about suicide.
> 
> Comments are always appreciated and if anyone wants to see some spin off from this please please let me know.

Something felt off. From the moment Loki sat up he could feel something was wrong. He tried to use his magic but it didn't respond. Not even a spark was accessible.

“If it's still there then why can't I use it?” Loki shouted. 

Everyone seemed at a loss for an answer. Tony had even called Dr. Strange in to take another look. But no one was sure what to say. 

“My best guess is something is blocking it. If anything, I blame Thanos. Infinity stones can do many things and if he wanted you dead, then there is a good chance he managed to suppress your magic to do it.”

Strange was probably right. But Loki used his magic for everything. How exactly was he supposed to survive.

“Until we can get this figured out, you can stay in Stark tower with the rest of the avengers,” Tony began. “You're going like being a mortal.”

Mortal. 

Loki was technically now a mortal. He could feel something inside him break. He didn't want this, he wasn't even sure he wanted to be alive right now.

“Hopefully I won't be mortal for long. I'm sure there is a way to fix this.”

 

So Loki spent his time locked in his room in Stark tower. He tried various potions he knew, read through hundreds of books. After a few months he was starting to lose hope. He closed another book just at Stephen Strange opened the door.

 

“Still no luck?” He hummed as he grabbed a pile of books. “I brought some more books for you to go through.”

 

“Thank you doctor. But I'm starting to lose hope. I've spent almost five months going through these books trying everything I could and still nothing.”

 

Loki stood to stretch. That's when Strange really got a good look at the god. He started to wonder if Loki had left his suite in the past five months. From the looks of it, that was a no. His thin frame was much larger than the first time they met. Did Loki even notice he'd gained weight? 

“My God have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? Better yet have you stepped on a scale.”

Loki froze. He'd been so consumed with trying to get his magic back, he didn't really take much time for “self care” as Tony called it. He slept, showered and ate but that's all he did outside of reading. He didn't even want to get a good look at himself in the mirror.

 

“How bad is it Strange? Don't lie to me.”

 

Silence. Loki wasn't sure he wanted silence right now. Perhaps the sorcerer had already left.

 

“That depends,” he began. “Do you think looking like a beached whale is bad?”

 

That sounded bad. But he had to see for himself. He flicked the bathroom lights on and stood in front of the mirror. To him, it seemed so much worse. His face was Fuller and rounder. At the right angle, you could see a double chin. His stomach sat over his pants which were sat low on wide plush hips.

“How in all The realms did I not notice such a change? Any more weight and I'd be stuck in the doorway.”

“You had more urgent matters to deal with. Besides I'm sure if you really wanted you could get back in shape. Limit what you're eating and for once get out of this room. I'm sure the sedentary lifestyle is a major factor.”

“Yes leave looking like this for everyone to see? No I should have expected this. Frost giants are naturally large and now that my magic is blocked not only can I not substitute magic in place of eating but I'm going to look more like a frost giant. I've found a potion to hold off the change in skin color but that's all it will do. I'm far from mortal but still helpless. Now if you don't mind Strange, I'd like to be alone.”

*

Just like that he was gone and Loki was left alone. He felt embarrassed about being seen like this. Looking back though, he started to realize he may not have been as oblivious. He remembered asking FRIDAY for larger clothes complaining how his were a bit snug. Did that mean Stark knew? Hopefully the computer didn't feel the need to inform him over a request for some new clothes. But it was still possible. He glanced over to the scale in the corner. There never was a reason to use it until now. Standing on the scale he huffed in frustration. He was having some difficulty reading the numbers.

“Friday is it possible that you know what this infernal scale says? I can't see past myself.”

The voice echoed from the ceiling startling Loki from thought.

“One moment Mr. Laufeyson.”

“Please Friday call me Loki. And don't inform Stark about this please.”

 

“As you wish sir. My data says the scale is reading two fifty five. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Perhaps you could find something for me to wear that would be comfortable to exercise in? I think I'm going to need it but that's all.”

“Very well Loki they'll be brought up with your evening meal.”

 

The room was silent once again. Loki wasn't fond of the idea of leaving the house but perhaps if he did it quietly and early enough, no one would notice. It's not like anyone had visited him in five months anyway.

“Brother are you decent?”

Loki slammed the bathroom door shut upon hearing Thor's voice. Of course that oaf had to come see him when he felt very self conscious. He had to make an excuse to get Thor out.

“Go away Thor. I'm not feeling well today. Whatever it is, I'm not interested.”

 

He could hear heavy footsteps stop outside the bathroom door. It seemed Thor wouldn't be taking no for an answer.

“You don't sound ill brother. Come now it has been some time since you've interacted with people. Besides, Tony insists you join us for dinner. “

 

“I don't feel like dining with anyone right now. I'd like to get some rest and recover from whatever illness I've contracted.”

Without warning the bathroom door swung open. Thor stopped in front of his brother with stunned silence. Loki could feel the heat rising to his face again. Strange had already made him feel ashamed but that would be nothing compared to what Thor had to say. The silence was broken quickly by muffled laughter.

“What happened to you brother? You haven't been this fat since we were younger. Come to think of it, I think you might be bigger now. Find some clothes that fit and come with me. I'm sure the others will be delighted to see you.”

Loki stood still. He didn't want to leave his room. Not with Thor and certainly not to meet up with the rest of the avengers.

“I said no Thor. Kindly leave and I swear if you say anything about this to anyone, I'm going to strangle you in your sleep.”

Thor didn't leave instead he placed his arm around Loki's shoulder and smiled.

“It's not that bad brother. So you've put on a little weight… well a lot of weight. It's not the first time this has happened and I doubt it will be the last. I'm sure the joking will let up with time just come to dinner with us.”

Loki was starting to panic. He didn't want anyone to see him. Not until he figured some things out for himself. He hated to do it, but he knew begging was the only way to stop Thor from dragging him to dinner.

 

“Brother please I'm in no mood for company today. I'm not feeling particularly confident at the moment. Please tell them I'm unavailable, I'm sick, anything. I just don't want to deal with everyone seeing just how bad this has gotten.”

Thor released his grip from Loki's shoulder. He always did have a soft spot for Loki when he was in distress. Without another word, Thor departed and Loki released a sigh of relief. 

As promised Friday had delivered some comfortable clothing with Loki's evening meal. The food went partially untouched but by now he wasn't feeling well enough to stomach food. It reminded him of the first time he'd denied himself food. Odin had commented to Frigga about how fat Loki was becoming. Part of it was because of his frost giant heritage but he didn't learn that until he was older. The other part was because Frigga enjoyed spoiling him with treats. The two were a horrible combination for his waistline. In truth it didn't bother him much then until Thor and his friends took notice. They would call him names, tease him. They claimed it was all in good fun but to Loki, it was torture. Why did he always have to be so different from Thor? Why couldn't he be the strong one with all the friends and all of father's love. 

“Guess some things never change,” he muttered before closing his eyes for the night. “Tomorrow's going to be a long day.”

*

When Loki woke up, he felt absolutely miserable. Not just the usual miserable but feeling genuinely sick miserable. He didn't want to admit he was ill but it seemed he had no choice.

“Friday is doctor Banner awake yet and if so would he be able to take a look at me? I think I'm ill.”

“Sir my security data tells me he is awake and I can contact him. Would you like me to alert him you also have a fever of one hundred point three degrees?”

No wonder he felt so miserable. His temperature had never been that high before.

“Yes please Friday and just let him in when he gets here.”

It felt like a minute but it had been almost an hour according to Friday. Loki sat up and looked towards the door. Bruce entered quietly and placed his bag on the table.

“Friday tells me you're feeling ill. What seems to be the probl-”

Loki rolled his eyes. He forgot Bruce hadn't seen him in five months.

“Not a word about it. I don't feel well and just want to know what is wrong with me. I know I've gained weight let's please just leave it at that.”

The next forty minutes were silent. Bruce took a few notes on his pad before finally speaking.

“Looks like it's just a virus. Best advice I can give you is rest and fluids. I can give you meds for pain and fever but that's all. Now I know you don't want to bring it up but just what exactly happened to you. I mean hulk can't even call you a puny god anymore.”

“That will be all. Now please get out.”

Loki used what strength he had to push Bruce to the door. He just wanted to get some rest and be left alone. Most the day Loki spent in bed half sleeping, half thinking about what Thor and Bruce had said. Not so puny god. Just another way of calling him fat. It shouldn't bother him so much but it did. Perhaps reading would take his mind off it.

He wanted to go through some of the books on his table but even that seemed exhausting. And for the next week it seemed all he had the energy to do was sleep.  
By the end of the week, Loki was feeling worlds better. He was rested, relaxed. Everything seemed just a bit brighter. 

*  
It was still dark when his alarm went off. With most people asleep, that gave Loki a chance to get out of the house without being seen. He would be as quiet as possible leaving, he wasn't taking any chances.

“Friday is anyone else awake in the tower?”

The silence that followed made Loki consider the fact that maybe Friday was still asleep as well.

“Mr. Stark has not yet slept however he's in his lab. It would seem you are the only other resident awake. But to be sure, may I suggest using the side exit. No one uses it and it's a straight shot from the back elevator.”

Loki did appreciate the advice. He'd like to get in and out with as little risk as possible. One outside of the tower, it was quiet. There were few people out at this time of the morning. The cool air felt good and even the early morning bustle was a change from his dark room. Perhaps this wouldn't be as bad as he was making it to be.

Almost a two weeks went by and while Loki had seen no change in his weight (correction there was a change, he'd manage to gain eight teen pounds), he enjoyed getting out in the morning. True he would get the occasional glare or look from people but he managed to ignore it. 

Despite oversleeping, Loki still decided to go out. It was only by half an hour it couldn't possibly make a difference. Loki barely had time to register Friday's voice before opening the door and slamming right into someone.

“Watch where the fuck you're going,” Clint mumbled. 

The two men met eyes a moment. Clint was now wide awake. Taking in all of Loki's new curves. He didn't even dignify the encounter with a joke. Clint just busted out into laughter. Loki slammed him against the wall, pinning him in place.

“What's so funny Barton and might I add choose your words carefully. They may be your last.”

 

“Oh my God you're so fat now,” he laughed. “Like what did you do for the past five months?”

 

Before having a chance to finish, Loki landed his fist hard into Clint's nose. He could feel the snap of cartilage beneath his knuckles. He threw Clint to the ground and opened the door to his room again.

 

“Tell anyone about this and I'm going to break your legs.”

 

Perhaps today wasn't the day to go out after all. Especially now that he had to nurse a busted hand. And soon someone was bound to ask him about how Barton's nose broke. It was just a matter of time.

*

“Thor can I talk to you a moment?” 

 

Tony pulled Thor aside one evening to bring up some concerns.

 

“I can't believe I'm actually saying this but is your brother doing alright?”

 

Thor gave him an odd look. Something had to have happened that would make him think otherwise. 

 

“What would make you ask? Did something happen?”

 

It seemed Thor was just as clueless about Loki as he was.

 

“No but Friday has noticed most his meals are returned without so much as a bite taken from them lately. Not to mention I never see him leave his room. I know him losing his magic was a big blow to him but he's gotta get out for a bit. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm actually worried about reindeer games up there.”

 

“You don't need to worry about Loki, he may have lost his magic but my brother is still capable of caring for himself.”

 

Thor left Tony standing alone in the hallway. Perhaps it was time to pay Loki a visit himself.

 

Loki was exhausted. After three weeks of trying to lose weight, he was getting nowhere. Much to his dismay, he had actually gained weight instead of losing it. It was only five pounds but it was still adding to his problem. It wasn't surprising to him that he finally decided to eat his dinner. Not like it was going to change anything. When the door opened, he didn't even acknowledge it assuming Thor was checking in again. At least he could deal with Thor, he wasn't expecting another familiar Taunting voice to fill the silence.

 

“What happened to you?”

 

Stark. What was he doing here? Had Thor told him something? His body felt numb, the heat rising to his face again. Loki stood to face the intruder. He was taken aback by firm hands grabbing his sides.

 

“Damn hips don't lie reindeer games you got pudgy. I mean I can't even hold all of this. How much do you weigh right now? No need to answer if you used the scale Friday can tell me. Friday how much does he weigh?”

 

“With all due respect sir I don't think Loki wants that information revealed.”

 

“That wasn't a request Friday. Come on cough it up.” 

 

“Very well sir, my records show Loki's current weight is at two hundred eighty pounds. Exactly one hundred pounds heavier than when he arrived at Stark tower six months ago.”

 

Loki was silent. He could deal with Thor barging in, he could deal with the looks people gave him when he went on his morning run. All of that he could ignore but this was the last straw.

 

“Get out.” He whispered

 

Before he knew it, his hands were pushing Tony backwards towards the door.

 

“This is my house I'm not leaving and don't you dare touch me wide load.”

 

Tony realized that wasn't the thing to say. He could physically see something in the other man break.

 

“Why is it that you all insist on shaming me for how I look!? Why do you think I was so devastated when I couldn't use my magic!? Do you even realize what I use most of my magic for to begin with? Up until now everyone has seen me as what I've made myself look like. someone who looks normal, maybe not perfect but certainly not the freak I'm supposed to look like. I feel bad enough on my own I don't need assistance from you or Thor or even Strange. Now if you're done could you please leave me alone.”

 

Tony hadn't even realized he'd backed out of the room until the door slammed shut. For once he didn't know what to say. He hadn't realized just how much pain Loki was in. Not just now but even when he attacked New York. 

“Hey Friday get me any and all information we have on Loki and send Thor to my lab. I think I have to do a bit of damage control.”

 

“About time Mr. Stark, I'll inform Mr. Odinson right away.”

*

Loki stood by the door listening to the footsteps disappear down the hall. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes and before long, he'd collapsed onto the floor a sobbing mess. It felt like there was no point in trying anymore. At least if he was mortal, he could die like one. Maybe that was the best thing for him. Without hesitation, he grabbed his jacket and left the tower. At this point he didn't care who saw him.

 

Most of the evening Loki spent wandering around New York. He'd never really explored the city much but it wasn't like he was going back to the tower anyway. No one would miss him, hell Friday seemed be the only one who was concerned and that was just a computer. He found a quiet bridge with little traffic. If he jumped here, no one would notice until it was too late. Anywhere else he was likely to attract attention and then someone was bound to call the avengers. Still as set on this as Loki was, he found himself hesitating.

 

“You know it's against the law to do that. Suicide I mean.”

 

The almost timid voice behind him was unexpected. He was just sitting on the railing, he hadn't even mentioned suicide to anyone let alone the young man beside him.

 

“How did you know I was even considering that? And who are you?”

 

The young man took a seat on the bridge railing next to Loki, his face was obscured by a red mask. He remembered this kid from the battle. What was his name again?

 

“Shouldn't you be off doing homework spider boy? This is no concern of yours.”

 

“Well to answer your questions in order; Spidey senses are strange and if the slightest thing is off, I can sense it. Also no one really hangs out here unless they're planning to jump. It's sad really. I wish I could help all of them but I can't. My name is Spiderman not spider boy. And I didn't have homework tonight. Tomorrow's Saturday.”

 

Loki wasn't in the mood. He just wanted his last moments to be Peaceful. None of it involved a teenager with a hero complex.

 

“What are they going to do if I jump? Send me to prison? They can't really do that if your dead. And why am I even telling you this? Just go away.”

 

Peter finally realized who he was speaking to. Loki, Thor's little brother. Shouldn't he be at Stark tower? And when did he bulk up like this? He couldn't have the blood of someone he knew on his hands.

 

“Well suppose you manage to survive? Then you'll be in trouble and I'm sure someone is out looking for you or worried about you. Doesn't Thor care? I mean you're all the family he's got left. Besides you seem pretty hesitant about jumping. Is this really what you want Mr. Loki?”

 

“What do you even know about this? It's not like you thought about this. Have you decided after enough pain and bullshit that maybe just maybe, it would be easier to end everything than to continue?”

 

He knew he had him there. This kid couldn't possibly understand the hell Loki was enduring. But before he knew it, a quiet response broke his thoughts.

 

“Yes I have. Maybe not for the same reasons but on two occasions, I found myself sitting here wondering if jumping would solve everything. Aunt May wouldn't have to support me, I wouldn't feel guilty about my parents. Everything would just be over. But then what? What about Aunt May? My friends? What if something happened and I survived the jump? Now I'm a burden on my aunt for being selfish. I'm not going to fully understand why you feel this is the answer, but I think maybe you just need someone to talk to. I know you don't think that's the only solution.”

 

He was right. This wasn't going to solve anything and even if it was just because he happened to be there, this spider boy seemed to care. Despite his joking Thor really did care. And even if Loki was in a bad mood he certainly cared. He couldn't help the tears streaming from his eyes as Peter offer him a hand. He didn't know where the teen was leading him but he trusted him. Soon the two were in a modest apartment, Peter out of his spider suit, handing a sobbing Loki a mug of hot tea. Once he calmed down, Peter spoke.

 

“So why were you going to jump? You don't have to tell me but I'd like to help.”

 

Was he honestly going to open up to this kid? And why had he taken his costume off? Was he that foolish?

 

“Aren't you worried about your identity? And is someone going to be concerned you brought a stranger into the house?”

 

“I trust you, your mortal now. Besides aunt May is out of town for the weekend, I'm home alone. Enough about me I want to know what happened.”

 

What was Loki supposed to say? That he didn't like how he looked or the jokes and decided to be a coward about it? That trying everything to keep it together, was only making it worse?

 

“I suppose I'm tired,” he began. “Tired of trying to look like everyone else. Being like everyone else but my magic is gone and that's most of what I knew, who I was. And I've gained all this weight yet no matter how hard I try I can't get rid of it. Everyone has made fun of me about it. I just feel so lost. I feel like something is missing.”

Peter listened while Loki just talked to him. It definitely relaxed them both. By the time Loki was finished talking, Peter had taken a place on the couch leaning up against him.

“Well I don't care what anyone else says you're certainly more comfortable to lean against. It's nice.”

Loki could feel the familiar warmth creeping through him. Usually it happen because he was embarrassed. This time however, he found himself laughing. 

“That is the most positive response about me I've gotten in six months. Thank you Spiderman.”

“You can call me Peter Mr. Loki.”

Mr. Loki. It seemed so odd but he appreciated the respect Peter was showing him.

“Just Loki is fine. If you do the math I'm not much More than twenty years old in mortal years. Not much older than you I would guess.”

 

Peter was stopped by his phone ringing. Who could be calling him this late at night.

 

“Mr. Stark? No I'm not out right now I had to take care of…what kind of emergency? Oh yeah I was going to call you he's here. Yeah it's a long story but I got it handled. No he looks pretty tired right now. Well how about I let him get some sleep and I'll get him home in the morning. No it's fine really I don't think Thor needs to come over here. Okay no problem Mr. Stark.”

 

Peter sat the phone back on the counter. He hadn't told a word to Tony, even kept Thor from busting in to help. Loki felt comfortable with Peter. Not because they were both intelligent but because Peter treated Loki just as he would anyone else. He wasn't a criminal or a third wheel he was simply Loki.

 

“Get some sleep Loki. In the morning I'll walk you back to Mr. Starks place.”

 

“Thank you for everything Peter. I really do appreciate it.”

 

“Just a part of being the friendly neighborhood Spiderman.”

 

The morning came and Peter walked back to the tower with Loki. He didn't mention the night before. It was just nice to have someone to hang out with.

 

“Would you mind walking in with me Peter? I would feel a bit more comfortable if you could. I have no idea what I'm walking into. I'm sure Thor's pissed by now.”

 

Peter entered the building with Loki, following him to the upper level. Once the door opened, Thor grabbed Loki in a strong hug.

 

“We were worried sick about you. What happened last night? Are you okay?”

 

So many questions at once. It was all so overwhelming for him. 

 

“Give him some space Thor,” Tony began. “Let him get settled. We've gotta talk some things over. Thanks for taking care of him Peter you can go enjoy your Saturday.”

 

Peter reached for the door but felt a hand on him.

 

“Peter stays,” Loki demanded. “I've spent the past six months feeling like shit and when I was feeling really low, it took a teenager to act like an adult and keep me from doing something stupid. Without Peter, I'd most likely be dead. He stopped me from jumping off a bridge last night. Anything you have to discuss can be said in front of Peter because I trust him with my life.”

 

After a few minutes of debate, Loki was sat on the couch Peter on one side and Thor the other. It was a bit cramped but Loki felt wanted for a change. Tony had called the rest of the Avengers in much to Loki disapproval. It was the first time many of them had seen Loki in six months.

 

“Okay I don't usually do this but last night I had some time to realize we neglected a few things in the past six months. After saving the world from Thanos and all that shit, we acquired a new team member. As unofficial leader of this group it should have been left to me to help integrate Loki to our group. I failed to do that for the same reason I think many of us did; I still didn't trust him. I was angry about the New York fiasco and let that cloud my judgement.” 

 

There seemed to be an unspoken agreement between everyone in the room. It was unsettling at first but after it set in, Loki ignored the feeling of discomfort it brought.

 

“I failed you as well brother. I should have gone out of my way to make you feel at home here. To show my new family the good I see in you. Instead, I left you to your books and ignored you. Let your pain fester and eat away at you. I can't let that happen anymore.”

 

Loki could feel the warm tears welling in his eyes. Before he could respond, Tony broke in again.

 

“Bottom line is, we're sorry. Losing your magic was like losing a part of you and we as a family should have been doing our best to help you or at least make you feel at home till we can get it back. From this moment on; no more jokes, no ignoring you. We're all going to ensure you belong like we should have on day one. We can't undo the last six months but we can try to make up for it.”

Loki was stunned. He went from feeling alone to having everyone show support for him. Why then, was he starting to feel so angry. There were so many emotions buzzing around his mind but anger seemed the loudest.

 

“I really do appreciate this but I also realize you're only doing this because I snapped yesterday. Where was everyone when I started digging through books and closing myself off from the world? I'm not try to sound ungrateful but it will take me time to adjust to this. I'm a bit angry that it took me punching Barton, assaulting Stark, and considering suicide for everyone to notice me.”

 

After reintroducing himself to newer residents of the tower and setting some ground rules, only Tony, Thor, and Peter remained. Loki was starting to fall asleep against Thor. Tony took a seat in the chair directly across from him.

 

“Before you doze off there sleeping beauty I've still got some things to talk about. What I did last night was wrong. I can't stress that enough. But afterwards I went and did some research with a bit of help from your brother. According to what we both found out, your weight gain is related to the whole frost giant thing and the fact you like Cap’s cooking. But we're going to try and help where we can. Till then, hang tight and make some friends.”

 

Tony ruffled his black hair. Perhaps being a mortal wasn't so bad. As long as he had friends he could count on.


End file.
